hello parody

hello, help me, i have no service i shouldn't have switched to at&t, i cannot, even tweet, my entire world is crashing down, i feel like i'm dying, hello, can you hear me?, adele, calm down, use the landline, you are such a drama queen, no i canceled that, last week, i'm having a panic attack, just try outside, stop crying, this entire song is, one giant, first world problem rant, hello oh god no why!, i still have zero bars outside, i'm so screwed my life is, crumbling before my eyes, wait i know, i'll go back in, and connect with wifi, oh no i'm locked outside, i can't fucking believe this, why?, please come to the door and let me back in the home, it's fifty degrees and all i have is this massive coat i'm so cold, thank god, a payphone, in the middle of the woods, makes perfect sense, normal totally, come on, pick it up, i can't believe i'm locked out of the house and you're not answering, it's been an hour, since my last tweet, my fans must think i'm dead, help me i cannot get online, if i do not say hello i, will lose my following, they will forget about me, wait hold up i have a, bar now i can tweet, hello i'm still alive, i have bad service, locked outside, she can't get in her house, and her service is bad, oh god poor adele, her life is, in shambles it's so sad, it's the worst day of my life, and now my fucking phone just died, everything's gone wrong my, world's falling apart, i might as well just give up and, shove this knife in my heart, good-bye world