it takes a long time

well, they dragged me from the party, kicking and screaming, clawing at the carpet, chewing up the scenery, and talking to my friends with no regard for decency. i couldn't tell you what i did or what it meant to me, but i keep finding all these pieces, and soon they start to form a picture. and i can understand what i've done. but it takes a long time to understand why. you made it home, but i was left on the road, to sing songs, drink hard to fight fatigue and the cold, sleepwalking through the days, just waiting till the clock says it's time to let go. till it's time to give up again and pretend, that i'm not bound by habit, i'm not a slave to my needs. i choose to let go, so i must be in control. this must be who i wanna be. but it takes a long time to understand why. it takes a long time to understand why. constant effort, constant concentration, constant concern, constant contemplation, constantly checking my tone for accuracy. i'm constantly defining my inability. it takes a long time to understand why. you know it takes a long to understand why. it takes a long time.