self-destructive

i don't wanna wait, i don't wanna wait, but i know that it's too soon, i could run away, but i wanna stay, so i gotta play it cool, if only i had been the one to meet you first, but knowing i was second only makes me hurt, and every time you say her name it makes it worse, so maybe we should stop, we can't help it if we want this, are we selfish? are we self-destructive?, i don't wanna wait, i don't wanna wait, but i know that it's too soon, i could run away, but i wanna stay, so i gotta play it cool, if we never try, if we never try, then i guess we'll never know, lying to ourselves, promise not to tell, it's out of our control, if only i had been the one to meet you first, but knowing i was second only makes me hurt, and every time you say her name it makes it worse, so maybe we should stop, we can't help it if we want this, are we selfish? are we self-destructive?, i don't wanna wait, i don't wanna wait, but i know that it's too soon, i could run away, but i wanna stay, so i gotta play it cool