breaking down

i said i wonder when it'll be my day, 'cause i'm not too far from breakin' down, all i've got are screams inside, but somehow they come out in a smile, and i'm wonderin' if i'll always feel this way, this way, the cross is heavy, what a burden, am i crazy, tyler durdin, don't get better, seem to worsen, i don't even know this person, in the mirror i hate my sight, two more oxy, sleep tonight, from fun to habit, gotta have it, alcoholic and an addict, this is tragic need some magic, i'm insane my thoughts are static, full throttle, hit the bottle, pride and ego, date a model, drunk as hell, stagger wobble, eat them pills, gobble gobble, shake off mornin' panic attack, will i find my way back?, needle in a haystack, someone pass the "j" back, numb the pain, all the time, can't believe i wrote this rhyme, it's my secret, this is mine, i'm sick of jail and doin' time, on my knees, god take my life, insanity cuts me like a knife, ain't got the strength, to even fight, can't take the pain, not tonight, i keep a smile, inside i crumble, every way i turn, i stumble, i need you, but i hate you, i need some kind of breakthrough, i sit in tears can't take it now, i live in hell i'm breakin' down!, i said i wonder when it'll be my day, 'cause i'm not too far from breakin' down, all i've got are screams inside, but somehow they come out in a smile, and i'm wonderin' if i'll always feel this way, this way, wakin' up, my blood is itchin', scared to death, who is snitchin'?, i feel like hell, look at my health, it's sad, when you can't trust yourself, i pushed my dad, and stole from mama, entire life is made of drama, all pretend they ain't my friends, empty funeral if this all wins, trapped in a maze, shit i give up, runnin' in place, feet are stuck, things i've done, i'm so embarrassed, pawned the things, that i most cherish, search all day, for what i need, who grow's up and dreams to be a fiend, my demeanor's mean, my eyes are green, i trade my soul, for one more bean, my friends are dyin' am i the sequel, after pills then comes the needle, so much stress the pills stop workin', i'm always shakin' my bodies hurtin', can't forget i got to mention, anger, anxiety, some depression, delirium tremors, i can die!, hallucinate with open eyes, 30 pack every single night, i've given up, don't even fight, i make up lies like "i'm in school", lyin' to myself, who's the fool?, before my daughter and mini thin, i heard a voice say. "jason listen, i love you son and you are missed, my name is jesus, remember this", maybe you have fallen down, and maybe you just took the long way home, but baby you could never love you, like me, and one day, this will fade away, in the mirror you'll see your smiling face, and standing next to you, will always be me, yeah me, if you end up prayin' i surrender, all the pain i can't remember, shit, my bad, it's not my fault, i do the work, i trust results, not my co-pilot ask which seats, not why i put these phones on beats, if mini can do this, so can you, first to verse 2002, tell me about those nights, you stayed awake, tell me about those days you hated me, tell me how you'd rather die alone, than being stuck here with me, then you're going to see things my way, you gave me so much room, that i can't breathe, tell me about those nights, you stayed awake, tell me about those days you hated me, tell me how you'd rather die alone, than being stuck here with me, then you're going to see things my way, you gave me so much room, that i can't breathe