bloom

i aged by days on afternoons, behind those shades in a darkened room, my body lay, tumours blooming in my brain, i am consumed by an unfulfilling sadness, not even misery loves me, i am alone, and i'm afraid i always will be, my mother knows that i am sick, but i hate that she can't understand, that whilst i am grateful for her love, it won't stop the shaking of my hands, i can't apologise enough, i live a life devoid of love, and i always thought i could escape this, like silence would help me to sleep, i found no bliss in my ignorance, i found no love where you said it would be, no heaven without hell beneath, no misery before you and me, too busy pulling out my teeth, to bite the hand that made me weak, no heaven without hell beneath, no misery before you and me, too busy pulling out my teeth, to bite the hand that made me weak, i sleep with discontent, sorrow creeps around my neck, and i fear that i may choke to death, your name still hangs in every note, and i've tried to fumigate my throat, just as together, as we were alone, no heaven without hell beneath, no misery before you and me, too busy pulling out my teeth, to bite the hand that made me weak, no heaven without hell beneath, no misery before you and me, too busy pulling out my teeth, to bite the hand that made me weak