on your laurels

i've carried this flag for far too long, "if you're not moving forward, you're always falling back", is this what drives me?, some sorry fucking mantra, like the default state of our lives, is to constantly retract, and yet i can't shake this illusion, it seems that i have been mislead, never rest, never rest, guilt sets the ticking in my head, just when i seem to grasp what i've been chasing, it starts to deconstruct before my eyes, and everything i thought that i was missing, reflects how wrong i've been this whole damn time, i've carried this flag for far too long, "if you're not moving forward, you're always falling back", is this what drives me?, some sorry fucking mantra, like the default state of our lives, is to constantly retract, i may just be the sum of all my parts, but i can rearrange them as i please, every pattern that i find within myself, is only limited by what i can see, i'll never rest on my own laurels, i'll never reap my own rewards, the fruit of my labor rots before i can taste it, i'll never find what i'm looking for, i'll never know the taste of it