tinder samurai

i like to think i'm well-equipped as any other average guy, but i just can't discover love and i don't even set my standards high, on top of that, i'm camera shy, maybe i should opt-out of the dating pool, and be an undercover tinder samurai, cause i would rather type online than whisper in a dingy bar, and swiping left and right could be my new bushido ninja star, i'm well-versed in virtual lovemaking ninjutsu, on every profile pic i post, i'm posing with my shitzu, or flexing with my shirt off cause i heard that gets you hits too, especially okcupid, i'm like eros or the cherubs be, i pierce hearts of women with my cursor and my arrow keys, and disregard my roman roots and choose a font that's serif-free, trust me, i'm a tinder bio brainiac, the way i kindle fire with matches, i'm a pyromaniac, on christian mingle, i'm a casanova, if ya'll don't think so, y'all can ask jehovah, check your inbox, he might send an answer over, i wish i had the muscles of a granite sculpture, i would log on ashleymadison and bang adulterers, i'm so lonely, i've considered farmers-only, just for someone's arms to hold me, also, i'm really big on agriculture, but if i had that body of a grecian god, i would trawl on pof.com and use it as a fishing rod, and hope i don't get catfish, the fact is if i did, i'd probably play along cause god knows i could use the practice, and if i'm aching for my roots, i'd visit shaadi.com, message islamic wahhabi hijabi hotties "salaam", and sunni, shia, those are both denominations i respect, cause i just care for our connection, i don't care about the sects, sometimes i uninstall my apps in reckless insurrectious rage, then regret it while i check the craiglist missed connections page, then i think that i should get out more and disregard my mobile cell, get to know the local teller at my barnes and noble well, and check out what she's reading while she's charging up my total sale, and ask her if she likes the novel, and once she answers, ask her if wants to grab some coffee or some ice cream waffles, she'd probably say that's awesome, i'd ask her when she's off of work, she might answer "midnight", i'd tell her that sounds awful, what a bummer, and from somewhere, i might muster up the nerve to get her number, and i would ask her what her digits are, and if i play it right then i can disregard my ninja stars, say sayonara to katanas and my other weapons too, and try committing by committing online dating seppuku