i don't understand

when i'm asleep, i leave the light on, and try to breathe, relive the moment i was born, i feel the breeze, it feels electric, then mockery, another headache i reject, suppose the feeling's real, you'd never know, suppose it's what you feel, you'll never know, that's what i don't understand, that's what i don't know, now i'm awake, i leave the light on, and take a swim, beneath the rocks and undertow, i try to scream, i don't remember where i've been, a trampoline, another lack of oxygen, suppose the feeling's real, you'd never know, suppose it's what you feel, you'll never know, i open my mouth but there's, nothing to swallow down, i'm scratching my face like there's, something, farther down, it's like a drug, i turn the light off, and pull the plug, but still it always comes back on, suppose you change your mind, and back again, suppose you had more time, and adrenaline