change

yeah, look, i don't do drugs, i'm addicted to the pain though, yeah, i been on it for a while, don't know how to put it down, gotta have it, it's a habit i'ma break though, i just wanna take it a hit, keep sayin' i'ma quit, keep sayin' i'm a leave but i stay though, i just want a little fix, i don't wanna take a risk, i don't like it when i drift from the safe zone, but lately i been thinkin' i might have to, lettin' go of things that i'm attached to, world don't stop just because i'm in a bad mood, you don't know what love is, till you holdin' onto something that you can't lose, that's why i'm tryna get it together, sleeves up, puttin' working in, tryna be better, i like to rap but i ain't gonna do it forever, forget the charts, i'm refocusing on holding my head up, moment i get up, i just wanna know i'm doin' my best, and if i'm not, lord forgive me, you can have the regrets, 'cause i can feel the water tryna go up over my head, most of my life i always felt like i was holding my breath, holdin' my chest, to be honest, so i'm tired of it, lookin' for something in my life to be inspired again, i like to walk around and act like i don't know what it is, but i know what it is, i just never wanna commit, running from, i'm looking for, i'm searching for, i'm looking for, i just want, i just want, yeah, i don't like new things, got a lot of mood swings, oh you wanna tell me something negative?, i don't wanna hear what you think, yeah, tossin' in my sleep, every night feel like two weeks, thinkin' 'bout how i coulda done this or done that better, can't help it that's just me, that's just me avoidin' the change, yeah, it's prolly why the issues ain't goin' away, yeah, it's prolly why i always sit around and complain, tellin' myself that i ain't never gettin' out of this place, outta my face, if you tellin' i need to be different, that's the issue though, i'm always insecurity driven, takin' the wrong turns, actin' like i know where i'm headed, waitin' for somethin' bad to happen, i could snap any minute, i need, yeah it's kinda easy to say right?, but difficult to do when i feel like i hate life, and everyone around me kinda thinks i'm a great guy, but i don't ever think it, so i think i'm a fake, lyin', it's something that i know i should do, i'm a little uncomfortable to tell you the truth, but to be honest with you lately i got nothin' to lose, see, i've always been full of pain but now i'm makin' some room, lookin' for, i'm looking for, i'm searching for, i'm looking for, i just want, i just want, i need a moment of silence, i don't like change but i'll try it, i don't want to hear what i should or i shouldn't do, why are they always defiant?, see, all my emotions are liars, all my emotions are violent, they don't want freedom to find me, mention that name and everybody riots, that's why i'm checkin' my vitals, they keep on workin' but i know, breathin' don't mean you're alive, so, i bag up all of my trash and walk out on my tightrope, positive thoughts are my rivals, i'm tryna be on their side though, should i feel comfortable? i don't, last year i felt suicidal, this year i might do something different like talking to god more, i'm looking for, i'm looking for, i'm searching for, i'm looking for, i just want, i just want, i'm looking for, i'm searching for, i'm looking for, i just want, i just want, i'm looking for, i'm searching for, i'm looking for, i just want, i just want, i'm looking for, i'm searching for, i'm looking for, i just want, i just want